Gettin back to livin

I know i’ve been gone a while but life is coming back together for me. One day at a time the pieces get picked up and put back in place. I’m not quite where I want to be but I’m getting there and will be posting more often very soon.

One never knows

You never know when your number might be drawn. I was just sitting outside the AA club having a smoke and a good conversation when I noticed the traffic slowing for the red light. Why would this get my attention? Because one of those cars wasn’t slowing but was in fact accelerating.

There was a couple heading south as he blew the red light at around 60 mph. The impact, solid and loud like somebody popping a large balloon next to my head, sent both cars spinning through the intersection. I haven’t cleared a 100 yard parking lot that fast in years. The woman in the car that was hit was already out and her driver was climbing out the window only to collapse in pain on the sidewalk after I got there.

The driver of the car that hit them? Drunk. He got out asking if they were OK. Nothing wrong with him. Although I did have to tell him to turn the car off. I went over to check on the other two and was asked to get her purse for her meds. As I reach into the car somebody said something about a dog in the car. Great, I’m now reaching into a car with an undoubtably scared and injured dog. I back out a little and look around. No dog. I grab the purse and look over the car to see a football of a dog in the gutter about 100ft away.

I could only stand there and watch this dog die what was obviously a painful death. The other driver carrying on like nothing much happened. He was drunk obviously. But all I could think was “dude, you just killed their dog”.

Humans suck.

Traveling..

I’m heading down Sahara right now and saw an ad for a bar with big bold letters proclaiming a “daily escape”. Thank God I don’t need an escape. I have been given a “daily reprieve”.

Take your own damn inventory

Having a problem with someone. This cat is always trying to convince people (himself) that I’m all about money. Any time money comes up in conversation he goes off. I thought about this though. I suppose I am all about money. But not in the manner he feels.

Without money I can’t take care of myself. If I can’t take care of myself I can’t take care of my daughter, or on the other branch I won’t be in a position to help another alcoholic when he comes to me. I don’t like having to tell somebody in the same boat as me, “Sorry, I can’t help”.

My name is Jason and I’m a grateful alcoholic

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference

I wanted to start with this. For one simple reason. It’s at the heart of sobriety, it’s not the only thing but it is there among other issues. The Serenity Prayer, when you start your day with it, levels you. It will keep you focused on dealing with life on life’s terms.

Acceptance is one of my biggest defects. I too often try to change things I have no control over. Far too often. This is the equivalent of banging your head against a wall expecting to not end up with a headache. When things or people don’t change to suit my desires. I get “frustrated, irritable and discontent”. When the bank won’t open up because I’m there at 4:50 when every other bank in the nation closes at 5:00 and yet this one closes at 4:30, it kinda pisses me off. I spend the next half hour fuming over it and building a resentment against them when I should really be saying “OK, now I know it closes at 4:30. I need to get here earlier next payday” and find another place to cash my check for today. Well, in a perfect world that would work.

But I’m an alcoholic. The world revolves around me! I think I need to work harder on my 3rd step.